The Faith

There have been circumstances beyond my control that have challenged me to know why I believe the things I do. I want to impact those around me for the better and find it hard to do when what I have believed has been based off of what other people have told me to believe versus knowing for myself. I have been reading this book by chuck colson called "the faith" it has changed the way I think and has challenged my worldview.

" What we choose really does matter. If we live in an exclusively material world, human life- including mine and yours- is absolutely meaningless. No matter how intense your passions, how great our accomplishments, or what side of history we choose, all of the will turn to dust in a universe doomed for extinction. Nothing apart from God counts, as Solomon so eloquently wrote four thousand years ago in Ecclesiastes- words that ring true today."

I thought this was interesting. I have been through a series of moments with God, ranging from a deep depression and wondering if there really is a God( A thought that threatens the motives behind every thought and action from the past eights year) to loving everything about Him. I have debated over and over if there really is only one God and have allowed myself to think from a different perspectives giving myself the freedom to ask questions that may not have been considered appropriate before. I don't think anyone can fully make a decision so big without this type of reflection.

I have been enticed by the new fad of the post modern church. Everything is relative and there is no absolute truth. Good deeds are they way to go and no one to tell you what is right or wrong. Although this has been tempting, it still does not fit what I am looking for. I am sorry if I am babbling, but I am processing.

What I have desired for most of my life before and after salvation, is to see justice on this earth. When I look around to the people who are desperate for love, desperate for something to be real I can't help but want to hold them until they feel love. I am absolutely sure that love can move mountains. There is nothing more powerful. If someone chooses to love someone else, without reserve, there is nothing that is impossible. I don't think it matters if you have been loved like this, you can learn. You might make the assumption that I am talking about the homeless, those without family, the poor and needy, ones who seem desperate, but from my experience, they are not the only ones in need, it is everyday people, those who seem to have it all together or those who may appear to not need anyone.

I know what it is like to carry a burden that seems impossible to bear or to be alone and feel like there is no one who could possibly understand what you are going through. I know what it is like to want to run from everything and to not want responsibility anymore. To feel like hope is not possible.

I have watched people around me choose to give up on life. Convinced that life could not possibly get better. I don't know why bad things have to happen and I can't explain why some people are given a pleasurable life and others have to fight for survival, but I think that is why I so desperately need for God to be true and for the love that He has to be real. I have to believe that for all the suffering in the world that there is a God that will comfort all those who mourn and carry burdens for those who cannot hold them any longer.

This is why I do not believe that we are simply a materialistic world, people matter. When we allow for others to compare us to animals and strip us of our humanity this is where problems arise. Violence no longer matters, saving an african kid from hunger no longer matters. Our passions no longer matter if intelligent design did not give us purpose.

I hope all that made sense...